••
♥
Only in Cali....
An ordinance approved by the Berkeley City Council
says that at least 2 percent of all pot carried by
medical marijuana dispensaries must be provided
“at no cost” to “very low-income” individuals and
families.
••
I was having trouble with the Healthcare.Gov website
so I called them.
A Mexican answered and said press 1 for English then
some shitty Spanish followed by marque el dos...
Accidentally pressing 2, There was A short recording
by none other than Barack Obama.
Best I could tell, There were instructions on how to
vote, sign up for free health care as well as food and
shelter and free Phone service.
So I hatched A clever plan and pressed the button for
free phone service and after about A ten minute
process, I had A free land line.
About three weeks later, I began to have trouble with
the land line so I called back.
This time I forgot to press 2 for Spanish thinking it
wouldn't matter.
There was no recording by Obama this time and after
waiting on hold about an hour, Someone finally
answered and said "Thank you for calling....
Taco Bell On Fifth street!"
••
You can tell a lot about a person by the type of
car they drive.
For example, if they drive a taxi, they're probably a
cab driver.
••
An onion forces you to cry over its dead body.
••
My uncle was thrown out of a mime show
for having a seizure.
They thought he was heckling.
••
My wife says that we should keep the chocolate milk
in the back of the fridge so it stays colder, but
personally I just think she's racist.
I think marriage should be between a robot and a
spider horse because I'm a retarded man child and
this is what I bring to the conversation.
••
While giving a physical, the doctor noticed that
his patient's shins were covered with dark, savage
bruises.
"Tell me," said the doctor, "do you play hockey or
soccer?"
"Neither," said the man, "my wife and I play bridge."
••
That one onion ring didn't end up in your french fries
by accident.
That's Burger King's way of flirting with you.
••
I advise you, don't mess with me.
I know karate, kung fu, judo and tae kwon do, jujitsu,
and 20 other dangerous words.
••••
