Duct tape works......
Cool...Huh?
••
♥
"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother
took me to see him in a department store, and he
asked for my autograph."
-- Shirley Temple
••
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my
dreams today.
Not sure how my wife will take the news, but I'm
pretty damn excited.
••
Oh? Well, sorry I called you stupid.
It was insensitive and heartless of me.
I just assumed that you knew.
••
Tell me why....
Why do Democratic politicians never conduct
business on the same street where a prostitute is
working?
Professional courtesy.
••
"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters
fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
They never mention that part to us, do they?"
-- George Carlin
••
So this smoke detector is trying to tell me the
battery is so dangerously low that it can only
beep 4000 times?
It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop
beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.
••
The scariest thing about survival of the fittest
is that it means the idiots currently surrounding
you are the best evolution has to offer.
••
I respect strippers because its really hard to
dance by yourself and not look stupid.
••
Guy says to his wife, “Alright you sexy thing,
upstairs, now!”
The wife looks at him with a smile and says “Ohhhh,
you horny bastard you!”
Guy reples “No seriously, hockey is starting…
get upstairs!
••
Did you know.....
Did you know that O.J. Simpson, Monica Lewinsky,
Ted Kennedy, and President Bill Clinton are all avid
golfers?
O.J.'s a slicer, Monica's a hooker, Ted Kennedy can't
drive over water, and Clinton can't seem to hit the
right hole!
••••
