••
♥
"Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair
chance at being incompetent."
••
A local man was on trail for bribery, extortion,
and exposing himself.
They sentenced him to 4 years in Congress
••
Going to McDonald's for a salad
is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
••
Terrible accident scene in Alabama.
Cop's walking along, filling out his report.
"Left arm found in right lane."
"Right foot found on shoulder"
"Head found in midian..." (scratches it out)
"midean..." (scratches it out again)
"meedean..." (scratches it out again, takes a running
start and kicks the head as hard as he can)
"ditch"
••
"The trouble with weather forecasting is that it's right
too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for
us to rely on it."
••
My memory is not as good as it used to be.
Also, my memory is not as good as it used to be.
••
Calm down check out guy, you don't have to inspect
my $20 so hard, If I was talented enough to make
my own, I wouldn't be in Quickie Mart.
••
To impress a woman in the workplace, ignore her
body and compliment her IDEAS.
Example: Sharon it was a great idea to wear that
tight skirt.
••
WHAT’S THE POINT OF BEING AN ALCOHOL
HOTLINE IF YOU DON’T DO DELIVERIES???
••
You tube is the only place where you'll find
people arguing about religion in the comments
of a snowboarding video.
••
My wife complains that I never open the car door
for her, but when I do she's all, "Stop it, you're
driving too fast!
We're on a bridge!"
••
Did you hear about the leper hockey game?
There was a faceoff in the corner.
••
Saying, 'Do you want to kiss me as much as I want
to kiss you?' only works in the movies and not with
strangers at Sports Authority.
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