••
♥
Flex went to see a doctor and complained, “I keep
seeing spots before my eyes.”
The physician scratched his head, “Have you seen an
ophthalmologist?”
“No,” he said, “just spots.”
••
People with eyebrow, nose, and lip piercings always
look like they landed face-first into a tackle box.
••
Me: How are you doing?
Is our date starting to feel a bit awkward?
Her: Yeah, a little...
Me: I was talking to my mom!
Mom: No, I'm fine.
••
Turns out the easiest way to piss of a vegan is to
refer to their veganism as their "eating disorder"
••
Accidentally brushed my teeth with Preparation H
It tasted horrible, but my ass was minty fresh!
••
Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!
Yo mama so short you can see her feet on her drivers license!
Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
Yo mama so short she can play handball on the curb.
Yo mama so short she does back flips under the bed.
••
Saw a guy with a barcode tattoo on his neck.
Scanned it with my RedLaser app & he couldn't
believe I found him cheaper on 3 online stores.
••
I recently got into astronomy.
I bought a very nice telescope and put in a
huge skylight. .....which really pisses off the
people in the apartment above me.
••
My wife said that I set up the baby monitor
wrong.
Apparently it's not supposed to be duct-taped to
the baby's ankle.
••
If a duckling is a baby duck, I don't want to eat
dumplings.
••
My pizza store delivers weed as well.
Lol just kidding.
He doesn't sell pizza.
••
No one realizes when someone says, "The last thing
I wanna do is hurt you," that basically implies:
there is a list, hurting you is on it.
••••
