••
♥
"As long as people will accept crap, it will be
financially profitable to dispense it."
-- Dick Cavett
••
Q: Did you hear about the Bill Clinton sale
at clothing stores on President's day?
A: All pants half off.
••
A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that
displayed a large sign that read
"Say It With Flowers."
"Wrap up one rose," he told the florist.
"Only one?" the florist asked.
"Just one," the customer replied.
"I'm a man of few words."
••
How come aliens only abduct delusional people
and not extraordinarily sane intelligent people like
myself?
••
Amanda said;
It's hard to tweet and change the baby's
diaper at the same time.
I probably should have waited until I got
to a red light.
••
Feeling sad because my hamster died.
Well, he's not 'technically' dead yet,
but I ran out of
food so it's really just a matter of days.
••
The Scarecrow didn't have the brains,
Tin Man didn't have the heart, and the Lion
didn't have the courage.
So Dorothy remained a virgin.
••
I cut my finger on a beer can, I now know how Julius
Caesar felt when he was betrayed by his best friend.
••
I stash my weed in the middle of a bunch of Russian
nesting dolls so when the cops are searching for it
they give up like after 5 dolls.
••
When I have more than $20 in my account at the end
of the month I have to wonder what bill I forgot to
pay.
••
I always wear running shoes while driving because
you won't know what the terrain will be like until
after the cop pulls you over.
••
Chess says everything about men & women.
The King has to take things one step at a time,
while the Queen can do whatever the hell she
wants.
••••
