A DWI for Otis......
••
♥
"The best way to keep one's word is not to give it."
-- Napoleon Bonaparte
••
I took my girlfriend to her first hockey game.
"Why did they take that guy out of the game?"
she asked.
"He got a two minute penalty for hooking," I replied
"No way!" she said...... "My roommate got 30 days."
••
I used to own a racing snail you know...
I took its shell off to make it lighter, thus quicker.
But that just made it more sluggish...
••
Why does the NSA hate igloos?
Because they are snow dens.
••
I work for an internet provider, as tech support.
So I get all the goofy calls... One day, an older
lady called the service obviously knowing nothing
about computers.
She said that we (the Internet company) had
given her a virus.
I asked her how that was possible.
She told me that her computer wouldn't go on.
I asked her if she had pushed the power button....
She said yes that she had pushed the button
twice and it still didn't go on.
(I had to call everyone and tell them)
••
Next time your sit at a McDonald's playland and a
parent asks you, "Which one is yours?" Say,
"I haven’t picked one out yet!"
It's worth it.......
••
OMG!
A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME
TODAY!!
But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in
the drawer.
She never even knew.
••
Firemen are always really friendly, until they figure
out it was you that started the fire.
••
People ask me what I'm really into these days.
I tell them "debt."
••
Squirrels are just rats who blow dry their tails.
••
I'm sorry, we can't hire you.
But your background check was hilarious.
••
There's a bald spot in my yard so I'm gonna let
the grass around it grow really long and then do
a rake-over.
••
You know your old
when your blood type is discontinued.
••••
