••
♥
When my wife picks a restaurant that I don't
like, I just say "oh yeah, that's where that really
cute girl works"........ Problem solved.
••
When I ask my wife if she wants help, she changes
the subject and asks if a bear shits in the woods,
like I'm some sort of bear scientist.
••
I'm so old, I remember when a hashtag was called
a pound sign.
And before that, we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on
that shit.
••
Justin Bieber was "Baptized" last night....
Or as the church likes to call it...
"A failed attempt to drown Bieber"
••
If my company really wanted us to move
during a fire drill, they'd lose the alarm and just
announce that there's free food by the stairs.
••
My fortune cookie read: "End of roll.... Replace.
••
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back
door open accidentally, when I needed a few
things and didn't want to go to the store…
••
I'm not only the woman your Mother warned you
about,
I'm the one your Father highly recommended.
••
I let my 4 year old score his first goal on me in
hockey & he said, "NA NA, you couldn't stop me!"
so he also received his first cross-check.
••
It really creeps me out the way my neighbor
stares at me when I'm looking through her
window.
••
Whoever said that women are the fair sex
obviously didn't understand women, or the
meaning of fair, or maybe even sex...
••••
