••
♥
A decades long study paid for by MicroSoft has
been deleted after proving penicillin does not
cure computer viruses.
••
Evidently, trying to schedule parent/teacher
conference over drinks and "we'll see what
happens" is considered inappropriate.
••
They say being a hostage is difficult -
but I could do that with my hands tied behind
my back.
••
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my
girlfriend's bedroom.
I can't believe she's a super hero.
••
Mark and Paul stopped into an English pub for
a drink.
They called the proprietor over and asked him
to settle an argument.
"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked
Paul.
"There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the
proprietor.
They moved back along the bar and soon the
barmaid asked for their order.
"Two pints please, miss, and the bartender
offered to buy them for us."
The barmaid doubted that her boss would be
so generous, so one of the fellows called out to
the proprietor at the other end of the bar,
"You did say two pints, didn't you?"
••
When I was a kid I liked my Jack in the Box.
But now I prefer my Jack in the Bottle.
••
I tailgated a cop who pulled out of the
doughnut shop so he'd know what it feels like
when he follows me from the bars.
••
If Iron Man and the Man of Steel were to team
up they'd be powerful alloys.
••
Lynn said; I'm lazy, though.
I get down to my last outfit before washing
anything.
If you see me at a bar with a wedding dress on,
I'm just chilling.
••
I bought a used UPS truck.
It gets poor gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
••
My wife's returning today after an 8-day trip,
so I should probably dampen the kitchen sponge
and re-position it.
••••
