••
♥
Stuck in deceit.......
A man from Kuala Lumpur told his wife that he
has a business appointment in Beijing for a few
days.
He informed her that he will fly on Malaysia
Airlines flight MH370.
She gave him a lift to the airport.
He waved goodbye as he disappeared through the
airport doors.
Two hours later the wife got a phone call saying
"We are up in the air, see you in four days"
Now, he's been stuck for 12 weeks in his
girlfriend's house and doesn't have the faintest
idea how to go home.
••
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.
It's the impurities in our air and water that are
doing it."
-- Vice President Al Gore
••
Hard work spotlights the character of people:
some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their
noses, and some don't turn up at all.
••
Three men are traveling on a ship, when they are
accosted by the Devil.
The Devil proposes that if each man drops
something into the sea and he cannot find it,
he will be that man's slave.
If the Devil does find it, however, he will eat that
man up.
The first man drops a pure, clear diamond, and
immediately gets eaten.
The second drops an expensive watch, trying to
impress the Devil, and gets eaten.
The third man fills a bottle with water and pours
it into the sea yelling, "You think I'm a fool?
Try finding that!"
••
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool,
England - but only
in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)
••
A friend of mine had a Super Mario
Brothers-themed wedding two years ago.
Then, a year after that, he had a regular-themed
divorce.
••
The only thing I've ever made from scratch was
dandruff.
••
We just had an old brick church.
It's like a barbecue pit, just hot -- HOT.
Everybody in there's fanning.
Old ladies got them old funeral parlor fans,
they just fanning.
I'm sweating.
And the preacher, If you don't straighten out,
you're going to hell!
I'm like, Well, what is this? Practice?
••
When the staff goes out after work, they talk
about football or basketball.
When Middle management gets together, they
talk about tennis or baseball.
Top management discusses golf.
Conclusion: The higher up you are in
management, the smaller your balls are.
••
The reason old men use Viagra is not because
they're impotent.
It's because old women are so very ugly.
••
One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying,
working and sleeping.
Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing
home until he received the following note:
"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last
letter.
Of course, we were much younger then, and more
impressionable......... Love, Dad."
••••
