••
♥
Every guy in Victoria’s Secret has the same
awkward look on his face, “Uh, I’m not shopping
for myself”.
••
Doctors say eating a piece of bacon takes 9
minutes off your life.
If my math is correct I died in 1781.
••
I have this friend who has a real dilemma.
His wife won't give him a divorce until she figures
out a way of doing it without making him a
happy man.
••
I like sleeping, it's like death without the
commitment.
••
Snakes can unhinge their jaws so that their
mouth is many times the size of their brain.
Politicians do this too.
••
My neighbor introduced his wife to me as his
better half.
I returned the courtesy by introducing my wife to
him as the lesser of two evils.
••
West Virginia is suing the Detroit car makers:
They want them to put the dimmer switch back
on the floor because too many West Virginians are
getting their feet tangled up in the steering wheel
and causing wrecks.
••
The lady at the bakery who draws her eyebrows
on is looking extra surprised today.
••
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned
to death.
That's a lot of weed.
••
Why do some people add their IQ to their handle?
••
The Mars rover Curiosity has taken pictures of
a rock.
More pictures to come soon.
•••
