••
♥
Please stop asking me to change my password,
I'm getting tired of renaming my cat all the time.
••
Two golfers were walking down the fairway of
the 9th hole which overlooked the river when
they stopped to check out two fellows floating
along in their boat.
"Look at those two idiots" the first golfer said to
the second....... "Fishing in the rain"
••
I always sleep naked......
If it makes people uncomfortable they can just
switch buses.
••
I've been making loads of money since I opened
my new shop called, 'Drums and Guns.'
Every time someone comes in and buys a set of
drums their neighbor comes in the next day
and buys a gun. . .
••
Apparently just sitting here on my new
lawn furniture drinking my Vodka & minding my
business is disturbing to other Target guests.
••
My wife just choked on a breath mint.
It was a tough decision to do the Heimlich
maneuver because she really needed that mint.
••
Attention Walmart shoppers:
Please dress for the body you have,
not the body you want.
••
A man answers the door after he hears a knock.
It is his next door neighbor holding a notebook.
"Want to participate in an orgy?" he asked.
"Who is going to be there?" the man replies.
"Well, it's you, me and your wife"
"I don't think so!" he exclaims.
"OK, then..... We'll take you off the list"
••
Just read that 4,153,237 people got married
last year.
Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an
even number?
••
The Spokane County Jail personnel were asked
why the visitors restroom stall doors had been
removed.
Turns out the police had no idea they were
missing.
They still have something to go on but no doors
to keep anyone from watching them do it.
••
Chanowski & his other Polak drinking buddy are
sitting at a bar . "
See those guys over there ? " Chanowski says."
I'm going over there and ask them what they
think of Polaks."
Chanowki walks up to the two guys sitting
at the other end of the bar and asks them what
they think of Polaks.
One of the men gives Chanowski the finger.
The middle finger.
Chanowski then walks back to his drinking buddy.
" Well , what do they think of Polaks?" he asks.
"We're still number one , " replies Chanowski.
••
Goldfish are the only pets with the decency to
die just as the novelty wears off.
••••
