••
♥
I just bought an answering machine and it
doesn't work.
Or maybe I'm just asking it the wrong questions.
••
At this point you can get more gas for your $5
bill at a Taco Bell than you can at a Shell station.
••
My wife always lets me have her way....
••
If a leper gives you the finger,
do you have to give it back?
••
My son asked me why girls pee sitting down.
I told him they're lazy.
••
I always wonder what the nurses reaction was
like after I leave a half eaten sandwich in a coma
patients hand.
••
I never knew what happiness was
until I got married...and then it was too late!
••
Poland is the only country in the world where a
man’s mistress is uglier than his wife ..
••
A couple of friends meet after a long time.
"I divorced my wife." one says.
"Really? How did you do it?"
"We hired a lawyer who helped divide the assets
and stuff."
"What about the kids?"
"Well,...we've decided that whoever got more
money would also take the kids."
"That sounds fair....... And who got them?"
"The lawyer."
••
Why are people pissed off that Justin Bieber
smoked some weed?
It's not like he released another album or anything.
••
My mom thought my laptop on the floor was a
scale.
My mom weighs 800 dollars.
••••
