I Hurt just looking at this...
••
♥
I don't understand women.
I also don't understand how a car works but I still
drive it.
••
Ate a vegetable about 5 hours ago...
...Still no abs.
••
On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me"...
Then make sure to leave a note to be opened after
you die that says "pray harder next time".
••
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage.
I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes
expensive.
••
I read you can have a stroke without displaying
any symptoms and I was like "holy shit, I'm
definitely not displaying any symptoms!"
••
She blinded me with science.
Fine, it was mace, but she sprayed it very
scientifically.
••
"I gave my father $100 and said, 'Buy yourself
something that will make your life easier.'
So he went out and bought a present for my
mother."
••
If you put dry teabags in shoes they absorb
the odor.
So your shoes smell good but the tea tastes so
bad it's almost not worth it.
••
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls.
They were Nestlé Crunches and cheese curls,
but still, I'm exhausted.
••
I just passed a drug test.
My dealer has some explaining to do.
••
I have learned to accept that my parents are
"Santa," but I still have no idea how they get to
all those other houses.
••
Quote;
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is
the income tax." -- Albert Einstein..
••••
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