••
♥
To err is human; but to really mess things up
requires a computer.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
••
Auto-correct turned "likeable" into "lickable"
and the new intern is confused by her evaluation.
••
Did any of you other married guys out there ever
wonder whether it's better to have loved and lost,
than to have loved and won ?
••
According to this bathroom stall,
my ex changed her number again.
••
Me: Well hello again. I knew you'd be back.
I seem to have that effect on people
Fed Ex: Just sign here, so I can leave.
••
I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced
a year ago, but she said I was only after my money.
••
I dropped off my wife at the hair stylist and she
was supposed to call me when she was ready to
be picked up.
She must have dialed a wrong number, she
reported later.
She called, and a man said "Hello," to which she
cheerfully said, "Come get me!"
The man said, "Are you SURE?
This is Mitchell's Funeral Home."
••
I feel a bit overdressed here at WalMart because
my pajamas match.
••
My creepy neighbour asked me if I think he's
creepy.
The fact that he asked through my bathroom
window after my shower just made it awkward.
••
At the stroke of midnight, Neil wept softly,
cradling the sour cream as it expired.
••
Had a date with a lady I met on Christian Mingle
It was going fine until I told her I was Jewish &
her half of the bill was $40 dollars.
••••
