••
♥
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one
day about baseball.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral
grounds between a select team from the heavenly
host and his own hand-picked boys.
"Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven.
"But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the
good players and the best coaches."
"I know, and that's all right," Satan answered
unperturbed.
"We've got all the umpires."......
••
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone
so hard that his foot broke the speed of light,
went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart
while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
••
As the plane was flying low over some hills near
Athens, a lady asked the stewardess:
"What's that stuff on those hills?"
"Just snow," replied the stewardess.
"That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this
fellow in front of me said it was Greece."
••
Sorry I lied about knowing how to play the piano
Yes, I agree it made the funeral uncomfortable.
••
There was a young singer named Springer,
Got his testicles caught in a wringer.
He hollered in pain
As they rolled down the drain,
(falsetto): "There goes my career as a singer!"
••
You know you drank too much last night when
you have to use google maps to locate yourself
the next morning.
••
"A farmer had a hen that would hatch
anything.
It once sat on ice and hatched two quarts of
hot water."
"That’s nothing.
My mother mistakenly fed our hen sawdust
instead of oatmeal for a whole season.
She laid twelve eggs.
When they hatched, eleven of the chicks had
wooden legs, and one of them was a
woodpecker!"
••
How did the constipated mathematician solve
his his problem?
He worked it out with a pencil.
••
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with
thick legs and large drawers.
••
A husband takes the wife to a night club.
There's a guy on the dance floor giving it big
time.
Break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the
works!
The wife turns to her husband and says,
"See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me
and I turned him down!"
The husband says,
"Looks to me like he's still celebrating!!!"
••••
