••
♥
My son is at that tender age where he believes
me when I say that the dog ate the rest of the
cookies out of the pantry.
••
I get really freakin pissed off when
complete strangers ask me a lot of questions.
So no... the job interview didn't go very well.
••
At this point the only thing Lady Gaga could do
that would shock me is to come out on stage
wearing a sensible pantsuit from Walmart.
••
We decided to go out for bbq tonight.
As it turns out, I'm too immature to discuss how
to smoke your meat with strangers.
••
Did you hear about the farmer who got attacked
by a cow?
He milked it for all it was worth.
••
My wife has her own version of money
laundering.
She cleans out my pockets every night while I
am asleep.
••
Beer is so smart that if you drink enough,
right around your midsection, it builds a
shelf for you to rest bottles on.
••
I was in a bar in the deep south and a gorgeous
cowgirl was looking at me, so i approached her.
"Whats your name darlin?" I smiled and asked
"Yes" she replied.
"Sorry you must have misheard me, i said
whats your name darlin?"
"Yes" she said again, looking a bit puzzled.
"No no no, listen to me" then i said slowly
"What.....is.......your......name"
She looked annoyed and replied "My.....name....
is..........Darleen"
••
Did you hear that Betty Crocker passed away.
The funeral is set at 4:50 for ten to fifteen
minutes.
••
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff,
contact Departure on 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to
Departure... by the way, as we lifted off we saw
some kind of dead animal on the far end of the
runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff,
contact Departure on 124.7... did you copy the
report from Eastern?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for
takeoff... and yes, we copied Eastern and we've
already notified our caterers...
••••
