How Cool is this??
••
♥
Mothers only get a day but sharks get a whole
week.
••
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight...
to keep away monsters who were scared of small,
low wattage light bulbs.
••
A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court
was surprised by the definition of voluntary
manslaughter given the panel:
"an intentional killing that occurs while the
defendant is under the immediate influence of
sudden passion arising from an adequate cause,
such as when a spouse's mate is found in a
'compromising position.'"
"See, I have a problem with that passion
business," responded the jury candidate.
"During my first marriage, I came in and found
my husband in bed with my neighbor.
All I did was divorce him.
I had no idea that I could have shot him."
She wasn't selected for the jury.
••
When people ask how my childhood was,
I say "Pretty good, so far."
••
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck
really makes the colors of your Burger King
uniform pop.
••
My young son has been having problems with
his behavior so I took him to the doctor for
some tests.
The doctor phoned today with the results and
it was confirmed he had ALBD.
Annoying Little Bastard Disorder.
••
I suspected our new house guest was a terrorist.
He asked to sleep on a blow up mattress.
••
I was on my lunch hour at work, throwing darts
at a picture of my wife.
Not one hit her, when she rang me on my
mobile and said, "What are you doing?"
I said, "Missing you."
••
"Baby last night you were so hot, let's
do it all over again this morning."
-me, speaking to this left over pizza.
••
Obamacare:
The once embraced term is no longer welcome
by the administration. They want it to be known
as the ACA.
The future Obama Presidential Library will
have One book.
"How It's done, By I didn't do it !"
••••
