••
♥
It's sad that a few fake Nigerian princes have
have ruined it for all the good Nigerian princes
who are just looking to wire 24 million dollars.
••
A German tourist walks into a McDonald's.....
in New York City and orders a beer.
The local guy in the line behind him immediately
gives him a verbal jab, "they don't serve beer here,
you moron!"
The German fellow felt embarrassed.
However, he turned to the New Yorker with a
surprised look on his face and begins to chuckle.
"And what's so funny?" the New Yorker demands.
"Oh, nothing really, I just realized how stupid you
are...... You came here for the food!"
••
I'm opening a healthy alternative all egg-white
omelet breakfast joint.
I really think my "Whites Only!" restaurant idea
will be a hit!
••
Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for
his wry humor.
He surpassed himself one summer day when a
city dog was brought to him after an encounter
with a porcupine.
After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting
and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner,
who asked what she owed.
"Fifteen dollars, Ma'am," he answered.
"Why that's simply outrageous!" she stormed.
"That's what's wrong with you Maine people,
you're always trying to over charge summer
visitors.
Whatever do you do in the winter, when we're
not being gypped here?"
"Raise porcupines, Ma'am."
••
Good News: I got accepted to Clown College.
I’m going to major in Balloon Animal Husbandry.
••
"For most folks, no news is good news;
for the press, good news is not news."
••
Hey kids, remember the feeling you got when you
cleaned your room without being asked and no
one noticed?
That's what adulthood's like.
••
The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple.
The second was murder.
That sure escalated quickly.
••
To my future kids: I apologize for the lack of
college funds.
Blame mom, she INSISTED on organic produce
from Whole Foods.
••
Got in trouble for watching a woman breast feed
her baby at the mall, she got mad and told her
husband to beat the shit out of me....
now I admit the flashbulb may have made the
baby cry....
••
One day, a fellow went for a ride through the park
on his bicycle.
The following day, a friend asked him if he would
like to do it again.
He replied, "No thanks, I'm not into recycling."
••
Do you think the dude that invented the
breathalyzer has any friends left?
••
What is the difference between mechanical
engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.
••••
