Blind driver ??
••
♥
Obama mad as hell, makes secret trip to
Afghanistan ....
blamed as a political photo opt to divert att. from
the VA scandal...
Obama assured reporters he had no knowledge
he was in Afghanistan , till first hearing it on the
news...
••
This ad says: "3 out of 5 smokers die".
So what are the other two, immortal?
••
Come on, who are you going to believe?
Me or the background check?
••
"Presidents Day, of course, started out as
a celebration of Washington's birthday.
Then someone remembered it was Lincoln's
birthday on the 12th.
So now we celebrate Washington, Lincoln and all
the other Presidents.
I have no idea how this led to mattress sales.
It's probably something do with Bill Clinton."
••
Why are there broken condoms on our couch?
Wife: Would you please call our children by their
real names.
••
"A high school girl has invited Joe Biden to be
her prom date.
Isn't that nice?
However, her father is refusing to let her go with
a guy who can't really describe what he does for a
living."
••
I paid $150,000 for a Klondike Bar because
I thought it was a pub in Alaska.
••
Laborer Alexander Robinson of Mobile, Alabama,
redefined the limits of tactlessness when he
opened his eyes after surgery to restore his
sight and said agreeably to his wife: 'Boy,
you sure have got fat in four years.'
••
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple
"thank you" is all I need.
Don't concern yourself with how I got in your
house.
••
"Joe Biden said that Hillary Clinton's decision
to run for president won't affect his decision to
launch a campaign.
While Hillary says Biden's decision to run for
president won't affect her becoming president."
–Jimmy Fallon
••
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
••
Texan prisons have banned convicts on death row
from having a last cigarette, on the grounds that
it is bad for their health.
However, to compensate for this, condemned men
will instead be permitted to chew a stick of celery.
••
Me: "I need a home improvement loan."
Banker: "What will you be using the money for?"
Me: "A divorce lawyer."
••••
