A Dumb Dog....
••
♥
A couple arrived at town hall seconds before
closing time, and caught a judge just as he was
about to leave, and asked him to marry them.
He asked if they had a license and, when they
didn't, sent them off to get one.
They caught the town clerk just as he was locking
up, and got the license from him.
When they got back to the judge, he pointed out
they had filled the names in backwards -- his
where hers belonged and vice versa.
They rushed back to the clerk's office, caught him
again, and got another license.
This time, the judge noticed that the clerk had
filled in the date in the wrong format.
Again they catch the clerk... After five reissued
licenses, the judge is finally satisfied.
Judge: "I hope you appreciate why I made you
keep going back.
If there are irregularities in the license, your
marriage would not be legal, and any children you
might have would be technical bastards."
Groom: "That's funny - that's just what the clerk
called you."
••
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS
EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE
IN LOVE?
"Just see if the man picks up the check.
That's how you can tell if he's in love." (John, 9)
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and
their food will get cold.
Other people care more about the food." (Brad, 8)
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that
are on fire.
They like to order those because it's just like
how their hearts are... on fire." (Christine, 9)
••
If you could watch my life backwards, you'd see
a Jenny Craig success story.
••
Isn't it ironic how women spend hours deciding
what to wear, and all guys do is try to picture
them naked.
••
What is a committee?
A group of the unwilling,
picked from the unfit,
to do the unnecessary.
••
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing,
the correct response is always "I don't believe you."
••
"I can't find a cause for your illness," the doctor said. "Frankly,
I think it's due to drinking."
"In that case," replied his blonde patient,
"I'll come back when you are sober."
••
A man with one watch knows what time it is.
A man with two watches is never sure.
- Albert Einstein
••
Apple computer has come out with a new
product called the "IBra.."
It is a bra with a built in MP3 player and
speakers.
Because women are always complaining that
all men do is stare at their breasts and never
listen to them...
••
My wife is fond of pointing out that women
can multi-task and men can't.
So she really should stop complaining about
working full-time and doing all the housework.
••
Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
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