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••
♥
Beer is a gateway drug to aspirin.
••
An 8 yr old boy was screaming at the grocery store
cause his mom wouldn't buy him a chocolate bar.
So I bought one and ate it in front of him.
That will teach him.......
••
You can't expect me to stick to my resolution to
give up booze.
I was drunk when I made it.
••
One reason lawyers are unpopular;
so many are in the larval stage of politicians.
••
Karaoke bars combine two of the world's great
evils: People who shouldn't drink and people who
shouldn't sing.
••
"JOIN THE ARMY"
Get professionally trained by experts,
Travel the world,
Admire the beauty of far away countries,
Learn about many diverse cultures,
Meet new and interesting people...
...then shoot them!
••
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people to stand
on their own feet while they are reclining on
couches.
••
If I was a banker, my pick-up line would be
"I just want to get you a loan."
••
'Your generation is too reliant on technology',
said my grandpa to me.
'No, YOUR generation is too reliant on
technology' I retort, pulling the plug on his life
support to further prove my point.
••
You call it it multiple personalities, I call it
social networking in my head.
••
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving
oddly.
The soldier would pick up any piece of paper,
frown and say: "That's not it."
This went on for some time, until the general
arranged to have the soldier examined.
A military psychologist concluded that the
soldier was deranged and wrote out his
discharge from the army and handed it to the
soldier, who picked it up, smiled and said:
"That's it."
••
Danger is my middle name.
And my first name is Avoid, and my last name is
At All Costs.
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