••
♥
Another sign seen at a swimming pool:
Welcome to our ool.
Notice there's no P in it.
Please keep it that way.
••
I woke up a little early the other day
and decided to go take a shower.
My wife woke up and said rather lustily,
"Honey, are you in a hurry to get to work?"
"No, not really."
"Then will you scub the shower before
you get in it?"
••
A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in
St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the
scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus
and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries
and back pain.
••
*ring* *ring*
"Hello?" Hearing only heavy breathing on the line,
the woman repeated, "Hello?"
"I'll bet you want me to come into your bedroom,"
a male voice whispered huskily, "...undress you,
lick you from head to toe and make love to you
until morning."
"Geez," the woman replied, "you can tell all that
from two hello's?"
••
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
A: He sold his soul to Santa.
••
Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I
were discussing former "loves".
I told him that I once broke-up with a girl long
ago because she had a seemingly incurable speech
impediment.
George said, "Jimmy, I'm shocked.
I never know you to be one to be prejudiced
against handicaps.
What was the girl's problem?"
Taking a sip, I paused and reflected.
"She couldn't say 'yes'."
••
A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist.
"Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded.
"It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy,
I end up in bed with him.
And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed
for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no
doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and
resolve in this matter."
"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman.
"I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and
depressed afterward."
••
What do you get when you cross a hooker with
a systems engineer?
A freakin know-it-all!
••
It is said that P. T. Barnum, the famed circus
magnate, hung a large sign over one of the exits
of his museum which read, "This way to the
egress."
Many people in the crowds, eager to see what
an egress looked like, passed through the door
and found themselves out on the street.
••
There was the cartoon showing two people
fighting over a cow.
One was pulling the cow by the tail; the other
was pulling on the horns.
Underneath was a lawyer milking the cow.
••
The fossilized remnants of an asteroid that
may have caused the global extinction of
dinosaurs and other species more than 65
million years ago has been found by a National
Science Foundation researcher.
Surprisingly, carbon dating indicates that
Aerosmith did the theme music for that
asteroid, too.
♦♦♦♦
