You threw the ball over the fence
••
♥
Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the
Open Desktop.'
Customer: 'OK..'
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again.
Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK, sir.
Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?'
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and
I wrote 'click'.'
••
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house
but that fly is dead.....
••
If anyone gets an e-mail saying you can get swine
flu from tins of ham delete it............. it's spam.
••
A blonde gets a job as a physical education
teacher of 16 year olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing
alone, while all the other kids are running around
having fun kicking afootball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says..
'You can go and play with the other kids you know'
she says.
'It's best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says:-
"Because I'm the goal keeper !!!"
••
I bet Egyptians were all like "Yo, nobody in
history will ever worship and revere cats like we
do."
Then came the internet.
••
I've been trying to turn my wife on for about an
hour, but it just isn't happening.
I'd better go and find a nurse who knows how to
work the life support machine.
••
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
"I just got laid and now you want me to get hard?!"
••
Dating hints for gentlemen.....
There are lots of ways to ruin a date.
Here are a few things NOT to say on a date...
> I really don't like this restaurant that much,
but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it
expired.
> I refuse to get cable.
That's how they keep tabs on you.
> I used to come here all the time with my ex.
> Could you excuse me?
My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on
the answering machine every hour.
> I really feel that I've grown in the past few years.
Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like
you a second look.
> It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most
people I date just won't be as smart as I am.
••
I hate when girls say "You probably say that to
all the girls."
Don't you use the same resume when applying for
jobs?
••
Reason for leaving last job:
They insisted that all employees get to work by
8:45 a.m. every morning.
Could not work under those conditions.
••
Undressing with the curtains open is
my little way of giving back to the old ladies in
our neighborhood watch.
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