♦♦
♥
When the powerful king found his throne
missing.
The next day, he ordered HIS army to kidnap
the other king's count and force him to tell
where the throne was being hid.
The session went as
follows:
king: Where is the throne?
Count: I cannot tell you.
king: Then I will have you killed!
Executioner, cut off his head!
count: (as the axe is swinging down...)
Ok! I will tell you!
THWACK!!!
Moral: don't hatchet your counts before they
chicken.
♦♦
A blonde and a brunette are living together.
The brunette came home from work one day
and the blonde had a rope around her waist.
The brunette asked why the rope was around
her waist.
The blonde said that she was trying to commit
suicide.
The brunette said, "You put it around your
neck!"
The blonde replied, "I tried that but I couldn't
breathe!"
♦♦
A few moments after the daughter announced
her engagement, her Father asked, "Does this
fellow have any money ?"
The daughter shook her head sadly.
"Oh Daddy ! You men are all alike."
sighing deeply, she replied, "That's exactly
what he asked me about you."
♦♦
Obama's helicopter just flew overhead from
Ohare with a banner trailing:
"The Best Things in Life are Free, Plus Tax."
♦♦
Wife: There's a nice-looking lady at the window
table.
Husband: She's a hooker.
Wife: How can you be so sure?
Husband: C'mon! Look at her hair, all that
make-up, that short skirt, the plunging neckline,
and those high heels.
Wife: But you like it when I dress like that.
Do you think I look like a hooker?
Husband: There's no way I can get out of this
conversation alive, is there?
♦♦
Bulldozer: Someone who can sleep through a
politician's speech.
♦♦
One Sunday in a Midwest city, a young child
was "acting up" during the morning worship
hour.
The parents did their best to maintain some
sense of order in the pew but were losing the
battle.
Finally the father picked the little fellow up and
walked sternly up the aisle.
On his way out, Just before reaching the safety
of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the
congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
♦♦
Oranges can be either male or female.
The males sometimes unexpectedly squirt in
your eye.
The females are bitter for no apparent reason.
♦♦
My wife just said to me, "If you became
invisible, what would you do first?"
I said, "I'd go to Paris, find a performing street
mime and beat him to death; the round of
applause he'd get would be astounding."
♦♦
I keep an extra pair of shoes at the office
that way I can poop incognito.
♦♦
Chatting with my GF on FB Last night:
GF: When am I going to see you again?
Me: My wife will be out of town next weekend,
we'll see each other then.
Right now I gotta go, I hear her coming now.
GF: Pleeeeese dont go, I miss you and want to
talk!
GF: U there?
ME: Listen, I gotta go, if she catches me
chatting with you she'll bash my head in with
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♦♦♦♦
