What an UGLY cat !!!
••
♥
The other day my house caught fire.
The insurance agent said, "Shouldn't be a problem.
What kind of coverage do you have?" I said,
"Fire and theft."
Insurance agent frowned. "Uh oh..... Wrong kind.
Should be fire OR theft."
Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with
this coverage is if the house is robbed while it's
burning down.
••
A policeman pulled me over earlier.
"Do you know why I've pulled you over?"
I said "Because my tires look like doughnuts?"
••
Target raises deodorant prices to keep
Walmart clientele away.
••
I tried erotic suffocation on the wife the other
night when we were having sex.
She obviously didn't like it, she's been lying
there for 5 days now giving me the silent
treatment!!
••
I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’
He said, Mister, three hours ago it was grass.’
••
I took my girlfriend back to my apartment.
"You haven't removed many bras have you?"
she sighed.
"What gave it away?"
"she said The scissors, mainly."
••
Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.
••
There are many paths on the journey through life.
I think I might have chosen the psychopath.
••
I was reading this article the other day, and it said,
The perfect way to spice up your love life is to
make love in a car wash.
Let me tell you guys from experience --
no, it is not.
But it is the perfect way to ruin a church
fundraiser.
••
A man was taken to court for stealing an item
from a store.
The man said to the judge, "Your Honor, I'm a
Christian.
I've become a new man.
But I have and old nature also.
It was not my new man who did wrong.
It was my old man."
The judge responded, "Since it was the old man
that broke the law, we'll sentence him to 60 days
in jail.
And since the new man was an accomplice
in the theft, we'll give him 30 days, too.
I therefore sentence you both to 90 days in jail."
••
"Doc, you gotta help me.
I'm under a lot of stress.
I keep losing my temper with people."
Doctor: "Tell me about your problem."
Patient: "I just did, you damn jackass!"
••••
