♦♦
A Father is asked by his friend, "Has your son
decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"
"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector,"
he replies.
To this his friend responds "Strange ambition to
have for a career."
"Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work
on Tuesdays!"
♦♦
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for
her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas
stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "God help us.
Has it come to this?
Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran
and 22 Baptists."
♦♦
For most of my childhood, I was under the
impression that one of the most exciting, fun filled,
action packed professions in the world was being
a plumber.
Now, that I've picked it as a career choice, I see
the mistake I've made.
Thanks for ruining my life, Mario.
“A curling iron is a permanent solution to a hairy
problem.”
♦♦
Kids go to sleep with a teddy bear.
Chuck norris goes to sleep with an actual bear.
♦♦
Quote;
"The Hell Law says that Hell is reserved
exclusively for them that believe in it.
Further, the lowest Rung in Hell is reserved for
them that believe in it on the supposition that
they'll go there if they don't."
-- Honest Book of Truth;
The Gospel According to Fred, 3:1
♦♦
I am a limo driver and this Judi once, was totally
impressed with the bar, the interior lights,
the mirrored ceiling -- everything in the
stretch-limo.
Then she noticed the TV.
There was a show she really wanted to see that
evening and asked me in all seriousness:
'the TV *does* get cable, right?'
♦♦
A driver, who crashed into the side of a 3000 ton
wheat train and was dragged in his car more than
a kilometre before being slammed into a pylon at
the edge of a cliff, fell to his death as he walked
for help.
♦♦
"Television: A medium.
So called because it's neither rare nor well done."
♦♦
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your Honor.
♦♦
For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man
decides to take his wife on a trip to France.
After two weeks touring France, they return to the
airport for the trip back to America.
While waiting for the plane, the wife turns to her
husband and says, "This was the most wonderful
gift I could have asked for on our 25th
anniversary.
I can't wait to hear what you have in mind for our
50th anniversary!"
Her husband leaned over, kissed her on the cheek,
and said, "I'm going to come back and get you"
♦♦
I was Told:
"You have all the characteristics of a popular
politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a
vulgar manner."
♦♦♦♦
