••
♥
One day a man took the train from Paris to
Frankfurt.
When he got in he said to the ticket man:
"Sir. I really need you to do me a favor, I have to
get down this train in Mannheim, but I'm very
tired and it is for sure that I will fall asleep.
So what I want you to do is that you wake me up
in Mannheim because I have to close a business
there and it is very important for me.
Here you have 100 francs for the favor.
But I warn you sometimes when people wake me
up I get really violent, but no matters what I do or
say you got to get me out of this train in
Mannheim..... Is that clear?"
So the ticket man agreed and took the 100 francs.
Later as the man had said he fall asleep, and when
he woke up he realized that he was in Frankfurt.
He was so mad at the ticket man that he ran over
and started yelling at the ticket man.
"Are you stupid or something???
I paid you 100 francs so that you wake me up in
Mannheim.
And you didn't, so I want my money back!"
While the man was yelling at the ticket guy, two
other guys that were also in the train were looking
at them, so one turns to the other and says to him:
Man 1: "Look at this guy! He is mad!"
Man 2: "Yeah! He's almost as mad as the guy they
made get out of the train in Mannheim."
••
A couple with three children waited in line at San
Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat
trip to Alcatraz.
Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy
and irritation as the young children fidgeted,
whined, and punched one another.
The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail.
Finally they reached the ticket window.
"Five tickets, please," the father said.
"Two round trip, three one way."
••
My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter.
For those of you that dont know, Easter is the day
we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and
coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored
eggs.
••
"This is bullshit!"
said the bull farmer giving barn tours.
••
There was an old man of Madrid
Who went to an auction to bid.
In the first lot they sold
Was an ancient commode---
And, my God, when they lifted the lid!
••
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
••
My wife is leaving me because of my obsession
with 'Star Wars'.
I said: May divorce be with you...
••
Jim Fixx:
Author of the best selling "Complete Book of
Running," which started the jogging craze of
the 1970s.
How he died: A heart attack....while jogging
Fixx was visiting Greensboro, Vermont when
he walked out of his house and began jogging.
He'd only gone a short distance when he had a
massive coronary.
His autopsy revealed that one of his coronary
arteries was 99% clogged, another was 80%
obstructed, and a third was 70% blocked....and
that Fixx had had three other attacks in the
weeks prior to his death.
••
WRINKLES: Something other people have.
You have character lines.
••
Wifi went down for five minutes, so i had to
talk to my family.
They seem like nice people.
••
"President Obama has announced a task force to
review the tax codes.
He's concerned there are too many loopholes and
too many people manipulating the system to avoid
paying taxes.
And that's just in his administration."
••••
