••
♥
"Barack Obama's daughters are very smart.
They told him they will take the same
responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the
economy.
That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White
House, it'll be cleaned up by future generations."
••
I got banned from a website last night, the forum
thread was about "women that look like their
clothes are about to blow off them at any moment"
Turns out you were supposed to post pictures of
big breasted women in tight clothes, not women
in burkas . . .
••
"In our brief national history we have shot four of
our presidents, worried five of them to death,
impeached one and hounded another out of office.
And when all else fails, we hold an election and
assassinate their character."
••
A diplomat is a person who thinks twice before he
says nothing.
••
Did you hear about the Buddhist
who refused Novocaine during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
••
On a job board:
"Man, honest, will take anything."
••
Amputation with a blunt instrument is seldom
pleasant.
••
"Why are you so quiet?"
"Well, nobody plans a murder out loud, do
they?"
••
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a frog
What's wrong with that
I think I'm going to croak....
••
Brian received a phone call:
"HI, I'm phoning on behalf of the ---- Children's
Workshop...
Where we can help you with special offers, ....etc"
I interrupted her and informed her that I didn't
have any children.
"Do you have any grandchildren???",
she then asked.
••
Obama goes down the sewers to meet the drainage
workers.
He is introduced to Alf who's worked there for
40 years.
"The work is interesting " says Alf
"for instance you see that turd over there?
you can tell thats from the hairdressers in the up
the street because of all the cut hair stuck to it."
"How interesting," says the Obama.
"And you see that one over there?" says Alf.
That's from a garage toilet.
You can tell by the oily sheen on it."
"extraordinary," says the Obama.
And how about that large one over there in the
corner?" asks Obama.
"Thats from my very own house.
Thats my wife's turd."
"How on earth can you tell that?" asks Obama.
"Easy,its got my sandwiches tied to it."
••
"No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian."
is a fun thing to say when someone hands you
their baby.
••••
