••
♥
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its
head is attached to its body.
The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head
off.
••
There was a young lady of Maine
Who declared she'd a man on her brain.
But you knew from the view
Of her waist as it grew
It was not on her brain that he'd lain.
••
A man calls his wife and says to her, "Honey, I just
got the chance of a lifetime to go on a week-long
fishing trip with my boss.
Could you pack up my things so that they will be
ready when I get home?"
"Sure, honey," his wife answers."Oh, and could
you please pack my blue silk pyjamas?"
"Sure, honey," his wife answers again.
The man comes home, picks up his things and
takes off for the week.
He returns a week later, smiling.
His wife greets him at the front door.
"So honey, how was your fishing trip?"
"It was great..." the husband answers.
"But you forgot to pack my blue silk pyjamas."
"No I didn't," said his wife.
"They were in your tacklebox."
••
Some time after their bitter divorce, a man
happened to pull up alongside his ex-wife at a
traffic signal.
He shouted over, "So..out looking for a little, huh ?"
She smiled sweetly and said, "No, I had 6 years of
that with you.
I'm out looking for a lot !!!"
••
The doctor had just completed his examination of
the gorgeous redhaired beauty.
"I would suggest to you, young lady," began the
medic, as he regained some of his professional
dignity,
"that you discontinue some of your running around.
Stop drinking so much, cut down on your smoking,
and above all you will have to start eating properly
and getting to bed early."
Then, as a pleasant afterthought, he added:
"Why not have dinner with me tonight?
I'll see to it that you have the proper food and that
you'll be in bed by 9:00!"
••
When monkeys get mad, they crap in their hand
and they throw it.
How cool is that?
Who is going to fight a guy with a lump of crap
in his hand?
••
Laura, the hooker, went to see the doc, as she
was not feeling too well lately.
Guess what advise the doctor gave her.
The good doctor asked her to stay out of bed
for 3 days.
••
This woman just stared at the beer in my
cup holder, like she's never seen a cup holder on a
grocery cart before.
••
Lully is one of our favorite 16th-century
composers, who wrote music for the king of
France.
While rehearsing the musicians, he got too
serious beating time with his staff, and drove it
right through his foot.
He died of infection.
••
I don't understand why Wal-mart has a problem
with people bringing their dogs in the store.
Dogs are better behaved, smell better, and are
a lot less likely to take a crap on the floor than
some of the people there.
••
Q: If fathers have Father's Day, and mothers have
Mother's Day,
What do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday.
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