••
♥
“If you accidentally leave your fly down on a
promising date, does that count as a Freudian zip?”
••
Got arrested at the airport last week.
Apparently, security doesn't appreciate it when you
call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
••
Supposedly true excerpts of kids' Sunday School
letters to God......
•In Sunday School they told us what you do.
Who does it when you are on vacation?
•How did you know you were God?
•I read the Bible.
What does begat mean?
Nobody will tell me. Love, Allison
•On Halloween I am going to wear a Devil's
costume, is that all right with you?
•Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
•Is it true my father won't get into Heaven if he
uses his bowling words in the house?
•Did you mean for giraffe to look like that or was
it an accident?
••
If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet,
I'll put shoes on my cats.
••
Psychiatric Hotline.....
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1
repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to
press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please
press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you
are and what you want.
Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a
little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter
which number you press.
No one will answer.
••
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you
realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
••
Junior had just received his brand new drivers
license.
The family trooped out to the driveway, and
climbed into the car, where he was about to take
them for a ride for the first time.
Dad immediately headed for the back seat, directly
behind the newly minted driver.
"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of
scenery after all those months of sitting in the
front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,"
said the beaming boy to the ol' man.
"Nope," came dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and
kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like
you've been doing to me all these years."
••
After church on Sunday morning, a young boy
suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom,
I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I
grow up.
"That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what
made you decide to be a minister?"
"Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church
on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more
fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and listen.
••
"Dad! Dad! There is a monster under my bed!"
"Enjoy it while you can son, when you get
married the monster sleeps in your bed."
••
There was a brothel at the top of a hill, with a
large red light at the bottom of the hill..
There were four men ..... one was walking
briskly up the hill; one was inside the brothel;
one was walking slowly down the hill and the
fourth man was sitting in his car at the bottom
of the hill.
What were the nationalities of the four men?
* The man going up the hill: was rushin *
The man in the brothel: him-a-layin *
The man walking down the hill: was finish *
The man in the car at the bottom was a Newfie,
and he was waiting for the light to turn green!
••
“If a fraternity open a coffee shop they would
specialize in fratacinno.”
••••
