••
♥
The NSA chief walks into a bar.
Bartender: "Got a new joke for you."
NSA: "Heard it."
••
I don't know the full history of US and Canada
but somehow we've got joint custody of geese.
••
Your momma has ever stomped into the house
and announced, "The feud is back on!"
There is a gun rack on your bicycle.
Your wedding was held in the delivery room.
Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.
Your baby's first words are;
"Attention K-Mart shoppers."
The antenna on your truck is a danger to low
flying airplanes.
Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
You picked your teeth from a catalog.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
You gots Redneck in YOU....
••
My laptop has a Miley Virus.
It's stopped twerking.
••
Two college students, Desmond and Kurt, were
walking on the pavement when they were
approached by a beggar asking for money.
Kurt tries to shoo him away, but Desmond takes
out his wallet, pulls out a few bills and hands
them to the beggar.
The beggar thanks him and moves on.
Kurt is annoyed by his friend's act of charity
"Why the hell did you do that?" yells Kurt.
"You know he's only going to use it on alcohol or
drugs!"
Desmond replies, "What...and we weren't?"
••
“Marriage is hard but divorce usually goes off
without a hitch.”
••
Q: Why do 99% of the girls have a bigger left
breast?
A: Coz ...99% of the guys are right handed!
••
Church Bulletin Bloopers;
•If you choose to heave during the Postlude,
please do so quietly.
•We are grateful for the help of those who
cleaned up the grounds around the church
building and the rector.
•Newsletters are not being sent to absentees
because of their weight.
•Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the
information sheep.
•Diana and Don request your presents at their
wedding.
•Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed
and Easter.
••
If you think the problem is bad now, just wait
until we've solved it.
••
Wall Street. In the wake of the AOL/Time Warner
deal, here are the latest mergers we can expect to
see: Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics,
Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Company merge to
become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.
Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merge
to become Zip Audi Do Da.
••
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon,
someone would walk in and sit down in the
stall next to me.
••••
