♠♠
♥
I don't normally take a dump with the door open,
but I don't want to miss the in-flight movie.
••
After a long, bumpy flight, our passengers were
glad to finally land.
They disembarked, and the other attendants and
I checked for items left behind.
In a seat pocket, I found a bag of home-made
cookies with a note saying "Much love, Mom."
Quickly, I gave the bag to our gate agent in hopes
it would be reunited with its owner.
In few minutes, this announcement came over
the public-address system in the concourse:
"Would the passenger who lost his cookies on
Flight 502, please return to the gate?"
••
At a posh Las Vegas casino, a blackjack dealer and
a player with a 13 count in his hand are arguing
about whether or not it is appropriate to
tip the dealer.
The player says, "When I get bad cards, it's not
the dealer's fault.
Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer
obviously has nothing to do with that either, so
why should I tip him?"
The dealer replies, "When you eat at a restaurant
do you tip the waiter?"
"Yes," the gambler concedes.
"Well then, he serves you food; whether it's good
or bad isn't up to him.
By the same token, I'm serving you cards, so you
should tip me."
"OK," says the gambler, "but the waiter gives me
what I ask for.
I'll take an 8."
••
Tombstone epitaph......
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie
Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies Ezekial Aikle Age 102 The Good Die
Young.
••
How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
••
My brother didn't take kindly to jail.
He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on
the walls.
That's the last time we're playing Monopoly.
••
Seen on the back of a food service delivery van:
Driver does not carry more than $50
worth of lasagna....
••
A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen
mind....
••
I went to a record store, they said they
specialized in hard-to-find records — nothing was
alphabetized.
••
"President Barack Obama told his Cabinet
yesterday to insure that every taxpayer dollar is
spent wisely.
But there was one embarrassing moment when he
had to explain to the Cabinet what a taxpayer was."
••••
