♣♣
♥
Hey bill collectors, nice try,
but I don't even call back people I know.
••
Sign in a Japanese hotel room:
Please to bathe inside the tub.
••
Famed Anthropologist Mary Leakey died at the
age of 83.
Leakey was buried near her home, where she
will rest in peace, until some nosy
anthropologist digs her up.
••
If there's one thing I hate, it's a proctologist
with poor depth perception.
••
A worried patient went to his psychiatrist.
"I'm in love with my horse," he said.
"But that's nothing," replied the shrink.
"A lot of people love animals.
For instance, my wife and I have a dog that we
love very much."
"Ah, but doctor," the patient replied.
"It's a sexual attraction that I feel toward my
horse."
"Ahhh!" exclaimed the doc.
"What kind of a horse is it? Male or female?"
"Female, of course," said the bloke.
"What do you think I am....."
••
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls
of water?
He set a new lap record.
••
A ventriloquist was driving in the country when
he was attracted to a large farm.
He asked for and was given a tour.
As he was shown through the barn, the
ventriloquist thought he'd have some fun.
He proceeded to make one of the horses talk.
The hired hand, wide-eyed with fear, rushed
from the barn to the farmer.
"Sam," he shouted, "those animals are talking!
If that sheep says anything about me,
it's a damned lie!"
••
Why didnt NASA send a woman to the moon yet?
Because it does not need to be cleaned!
••
Founding father of the organic food movement,
creator of "Organic Farming and Gardening"
magazine, and founder of Rodale Press, a
major publishing corporation.
How he died: On the "Dick Cavett Show", while
discussing the benefits of organic foods.
Rodale, who bragged "I'm going to live to be
100 unless I'm run down by a sugar-crazed taxi
driver," was only 72 when he appeared on the
"Dick Cavett Show" in January 1971.
Part way through the interview, he dropped
dead in his chair.
Cause of death: heart attack.
The show was never aired.
••
I was addicted to the hokey pokey
but I turned myself around.
••
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number
printed on a consumer product, the person
who answers won't tell you what they're
wearing.
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