••
♥
There's an old story about the person who
wished his computer were as easy to use as his
telephone.
That wish has come true, since I no longer
know how to use my telephone.
••
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have
enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her
own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of
the wedding." (Jim,10)
"Never kiss in front of other people.
It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees
you.
But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try
it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours."
(Kally, 9)
••
My wife left me for constantly criticizing my
sexual skills.
She never used to mind, but I think the
suggestion box was the last straw.
••
Two local men were seriously injured when
their pickup truck left the road and hit a tree
near Cotton Plant on State Highway 38 early
Monday morning.....
The two men of Little Rock are listed in serious
condition at Baptist Medical Center.
The accident occurred as the two men were
returning to Des Arc after a cat-gigging trip.
(Note to city slickers, cat-gigging, or cat-sticking,
is how, armed with a small pitchfork), you
catch cats from the bayou bank.
Cats make a tasty supper.
On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup
truck headlights malfunctioned.
The two men concluded that the headlight fuse
on the older model truck had burned out.
As a replacement fuse was not available,
Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from
his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to
the steering wheel column.
Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again
began to operate and the two men proceeded on
eastbound toward the White river Bridge.
After traveling approximately 20 miles and just
before crossing the river, the bullet apparently
overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the
right testicle.
The vehicle swerved sharply to the right, exiting
the pavement and striking the tree.
Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions,
but will require surgery to repair the other
wound.
Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was
treated and released.
Thank God we weren't on that bridge when
Thurston shot his nuts off or we might now be
dead, 'said Wallis.
"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of
the world," said Deputy Snyder, "but this is a
first for me.
I cant believe that those two would admit how
the accident happened."
••
As senior citizens, my wife and I support each
others memory,or lack of it.
One night while sitting at the kitchen table
we were chatting about garden chores.
It reminded me of something I had to get from
the garage.
When I got to the door, my mind went blank.
I returned to the table a asked my wife what it
was I was going to get.
She looked up at me with a curious stare and
asked, "Just who in the hell are you?"
••
Here's a silly one....
Why did the skeleton burp?
Because it didn't have the guts to fart.
••
Which of the following lines will do a better job
of frightening a man away?
1) Get away or I'll call the police!!!
2) I love you and want to marry you and have
your children.
••
I made love to my wife for 1 hour and 30 seconds
the other night.
Thanks to Daylight Saving Time!
••
Today's Forecast:
Mostly Grumpy with a 60% chance of Grouchy.
High of Mean/Low of Nasty.
A Temper Tantrum warning is in effect.
Take immediate shelter!
In other words,..Just a normal day here.....
••
Why is "red" the color of the University of Georgia?
Because they can't spell "crimson" or "scarlet".
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