Damn, that must Stink......
••
♥
I caught the Easter Bunny laying eggs.
All I've got to say is they're way too small and they
don't taste anything like chocolate.
••
I cried myself to sleep every night for ten
years until I found out that my wife had
stuffed my pillow with onions.
••
If anyone gets an e-mail saying you can get swine
flu from tins of ham delete it............. it's spam.
••
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for
Christmas.
A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of
those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied.
"But where in the hell was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"
••
A girl was crying bitterly.
Mom: What happened dear?
Daughter: Mom do I look like a wicked witch?
Mom: No!
Daughter: Are my eyes big as toad?
Mom: No!
Daughter: Is my nose flat?
Mom: No baby!
Daughter: Am I fat like a bulldog?
Mom: You have a fine physique, you are a barbie
doll!
Daughter: Then why do people tell me that you look
like your mom?
••
“Neuter your dog - an ounce of prevention is better
than a pound of curs.”
••
What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a
poodle?
If a Rottweiler starts humping your leg you let it
finish.
••
Things Not To Say During Sex.......
• I have to poop.
• Smile for the camera!
• Get off me, I’ll do it myself!
• This is your first time….right?
• You’re almost as good as my ex!
• When is this supposed to feel good?
• I thought YOU had the keys to the handcuffs?!
• I was so horny tonight I would have taken a
sheep home.
• Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper.
• Hey! My friends were right! You ARE good!
• On second thought, let’s turn the lights off.
• I’m sobering up and you are getting ugly!
••
Back in the day, the word "Gay" meant "happy",
until the homosexuals got hold of it.
"Being clear" at one point, meant "Transparent"
until politicians got hold of it.
••
Bill and Moe had started with only five hundred
dollars between them, but they had built up a
computer business with sales in the millions.
Their company employed over two hundred people,
and the two executives lived like princes.
Almost overnight, things changed.
Sales dropped sharply, former customers
disappeared, the business failed, and personal debts
forced both into bankruptcy.
Bill and Moe blamed each other for the troubles,
and they parted on unfriendly terms.
Five years later, Bill drove up to a decrepit diner
and stopped for a cup of coffee.
As he was discreetly wiping some crumbs from the
table, a waiter approached.
Bill looked up and gasped.
"Moe!" he said, shaking his head.
"It's a terrible thing, seeing you working in a place
as bad as this."
"Yeah," Moe said with a smirk.
"But at least I don't eat here."
••••
