••
♥
"The difference between being interrogated by a
terrorist and interrogated by a woman is that
eventually the terrorist will end your suffering".
••
The guy in Subway made my sammich..
and then said, "Would you like any cookies with
that?
It's 50 cents for one or three for a dollar."
I said, "I'll have two, please."
It took him a few seconds, but his head did
eventually explode.
••
The Clairvoyant Society has cancelled today's
meeting due to unforeseen circumstances.
••
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??
"Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don't have to
work anymore, and you can spend all your time
loving each other in your bedroom." (Judy, 8)
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find
me a wife!" (Tom, 5)
••
My husband was telling me a joke while my 7 year
old son listened.
In the joke is a line about a barber being told *not*
to put hair tonic on the customer because the
customer's wife would think he'd been to a
whorehouse.
Another customer tells a second barber to go ahead
and splash it on -- his wife doesn't know what the
inside of a whorehouse smells like.
My son turns to me and says, "Do *you* know what
it smells like, Mommy?"
••
The two butchers were brought into the emergency
room.
They both had their left hands bandaged.
"What happened?" I asked the first one.
"I was cutting some meat when the cleaver slipped
and cut my hand."
I asked the other one how he had been injured.
"Oh, I was showing the other guys what *this*
guy was doing and I did the same thing."
••
LOSE weight quickly by eating raw pork or
rancid tuna.
I found that the subsequent food poisoning,
diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only
2 days.
••
Antiques are things one generation buys, the next
generation gets rid off, and the following generation
buys again.
••
RECREATE the fun of a visit to a public
swimming pool in your own home by filling the
bath with cold water, adding two bottles of
bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.
••
Son :How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father:I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it.
Son :Is it true, Dad, that I heard that in ancient
China, a man doesn't know his wife until he
marries?
Father:That happens everywhere, son,
EVERYWHERE.
••
Monica Lewinsky's tell-all book about her affair
with the U.S. President has, for one Winnipeg
Chapters outlet, not sold all that well after its
first day on the shelves, as reported by CBC
Radio News.
To draw attention to the book, or to perhaps
add some perspective, the Lewinksy book had
three other titles surrounding it on its display:
"Divorce for Dummies"
"100 Ways to Leave Your Lover"
"How to Remove Stains"
••••
