••
♥
Overheard on the elevator:
"Their marriage was going O.K. until they
bought a water bed... then they started
drifting apart."
••
New Evidence....
In the search for MH370, Satellite photos have
identified a large object.
It is believed to be the Indian ocean.
••
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called
his grandson to his bed.
Grandson I wanta you to listen to me.
I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol,
so you will always remember me.
But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about
you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.
You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna
da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife,
lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple
of bambino, some day you goina come hom and
maybe finda you wife in be with another man.
Whata you gonna do then?
Pointa to you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?
••
I washed my edible underwear,
and now they're gone.
••
Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day
and saw a shark swimming around a man.
The man was screaming, "Help me! Help me!"
Mary Jane laughed and laughed!
She knew that the shark was never going to
help that man!
••
The policeman arrived at the scene of an
accident to find that a car had struck a telephone
pole.
Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale,
nervous young man in work clothes who claimed
he was an eyewitness.
"Exactly where were you at the time of the
accident?" inquired the officer.
"Mister," exclaimed the telephone lineman,
"I was at the top of the pole!"
••
What does an elephant keep up its trunk?
A Yard 'n' half o' snot!
••
I'm going to open a new gym......
Called "Resolutions"
It will have the most up-to-date excersize
equipment in it.
Well, at least for the first two weeks in January,
after that it turns into a bar for the rest of the
year.
••
A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults
in a crowded restaurant.
••
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE....
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for
your life." (Roger, 9)
"If falling in love is anything like learning how
to spell, don't want to do it.
It takes too long." (Leo, 7)
••
The British Medical Association has now
classified Obesity as a disease.
So I bought my Wife a Get Well Soon card..
••••
