••
♥
Never blow in a cat's ear because if you do,
usually after three or four times, they will bite
your lips! And they don't let go for at
least a minute. Lisa Coburn, age 9
••
Have you seen the movie "Constipated"?
It hasn't come out yet.
••
From the Honolulu Advertiser more than 20 years ago as printed
in Ann Landers, Sunday, April 7, 1996, (slightly
rephrased):
Senators William B. Spong of Virginia and
Hiram Fong of Hawaii, sponsored a bill
recommending the mass ringing of church bells
to welcome the arrival in Hong Kong of the
U.S. Table Tennis Team after its tour of
Communist China.
The bill failed to pass, cheating the Senate out
of passing the Spong-Fong Hong Kong Ping
Pong Ding Dong Bell Bill.
••
They say to test your fire alarm once a month.
I try, but it's costing me a fortune in houses.
••
If tomatoes are technically a fruit....
is ketchup technically a smoothie?
••
An American tourist is visiting China.
After visiting all the tourist attractions he
decides to inquire about the people and askes
his guide:
"How large is the population here?"
"Around 1.5 billion" -- the guide answers....
American After a short pause: "So, what else do
you do here?"
••
I was sad because I had no shoes
until I met a man who had no feet.
So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"
••
“So you want to exchange this 5 ton rooftop
AC unit for a smaller one?”
“Yes.”
“We just need your name and the reason”.
“Running Wolf”
“Flattened teepee”
••
John and Mary visit their pastor for marriage
counseling.
The pastor gets up and hugs Mary, and sits
down.
He gets up and hugs Mary a second, and
third time, and then turns to John and says,
"See that, John.
Mary needs that EVERY DAY!"
John replies, "Well, that's fine, Pastor.
But I can't bring her over here except on
Tuesdays and Thursdays."
•
I have never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don’t listen,
they don’t come in when you call, they like to
stay out all night, and when they’re home they
like to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate
in a man, they love in a cat.
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