••
♥
Over the lips, and down the throat,
May you never wake up, next to a goat.
••
On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket,
Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod:
Pease shelled out and went to God.
••
Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire"
stages gunfights for Western movies, etc.
One day, they received a call from a
47-year-old woman, who wanted to have her
husband killed.
She got 4-1/2 years in jail.
••
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with
thick legs and large drawers.
••
Looking for Love: "Heartthrob Fabio announced
he is looking for his dream woman," says Jay
Leno.
"He says he wants someone who's funny,
secure, independent and has a good personality.
You know what's really sad- the one woman in
Hollywood who fits those criteria is
Ellen DeGeneres."
••
Why does the University of Tennessee football
team wear orange to all their Saturday games?
So that they can wear the same outfit to go
hunting on Sunday, and to work on Monday.
••
Gus's formula for success:
The secret of success is sincerity.
Once you can fake that, you've got it made.
••
What do they call condoms in Germany?
Weinerhosen
••
"The job notice posted at the University
placement office advertised for someone to set
up a bookkeeping system for a local dinner
theater that was filing for bankruptcy.
When an eager first-year accounting student
inquired, the interviewer told him that the
company needed an advanced student capable
of handling Chapter 11 proceedings.
"I'm sure I could do it," the student proclaimed
confidently.
"My class is already up to chapter fourteen."
••
Melissa was telling a coworker of the notice
she'd received of her Ten Year High School
Reunion.
The coworker said, "So what year did you
graduate?"
••••
