••
♥
A Muslim wife complains to her husband that
all the romance had gone out of their marriage.
She asked, “Remember when you used to carry
me up to bed?"
He replied“Yeah, but be fair, you were only
eleven at the time.......
••
It was Sunday morning, and the priest had
already preached to the adults in the
congregation.
Now he was presenting a children's sermon.
He asked the children if they knew what the
Resurrection was.
Now, asking questions during children's
sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking
children questions in front of a congregation
can also be very dangerous.
In response to the question, a little boy raised
his hand.
The priest called on him and the boy said,
"I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts
more than four hours you are supposed to call
the doctor."
It took ten minutes for the congregation to settle
down enough for the service to continue.
••
I stole a TV from my next door neighbor's
kitchen but I think it's broken.
Every channel is a slow spinning bowl of
porridge.
••
A man with a stutter is visiting the doctor.
"How's the stutter?" asks the doctor.
"It's g-g-getting better.
My mate calls me D-D-D-Donkey," replies the
man.
"Any idea why?" the doctor asks.
"No, but he aw he aw he aw he always calls me
that."
••
It turns out that driving a stake through a
Vampires heart works even if it turns out they
were not a Vampire!
••
The old believe everything, the middle-aged
suspect everything; the young know everything.
••
Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for men
who are married.
Every month the centerfold is the exact same woman.
••
A couple just moved into hotel.
And the hotel clerk asks the man after helping him
with his luggage.
Anything else?
NO, thanks,
Maybe, your wife needs something ?
Oh, yeah.
Thank you for your reminder.
Do you sell greeting cards ?
••
I prefer to shop at a convenience store than a
supermarket.
The super market is a huge commitment.
Where a convenience store is like a one night
stand.
Play it safe though, if you take the condom
wrapper off those sandwiches at the
convenience store you will pay a price.
••
I made some Skittles vodka, and I have to
say, the rainbow doesn't taste nearly as good
on the way back up.
••
Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry
brandy, one of the church elders offered to present
him with a bottle on one consideration -
that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in
the church paper.
"Gladly," responded the good man.
When the church magazine came out a few days later,
the elder turned at once to the "appreciation" column.
There he read: "The minister extends his thanks to
Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and for the spirit in
which it was given."
••••
