••
♥
Lena & Ole ask the judge for a divorce.....
"My God!!!" said the judge.
"You've been married for 60 years!!
Ole, you're 92 and Lena, you're 90, why would
you get divorced now?????"
Ole says, "We had to wait until the kids died,
this would've killed them".
••
My wife just walked out of the kitchen,
looked at me and said, "I'm afraid that you
need to get a new dish washer."
I said to myself, "That's a strange way to break
up with someone."
••
Breaking news out of Washington today,
The NSA finally divulged the real reason
President Obama authorized and expanded the
wire tapping act, he is still trying to find Waldo.
••
"I'm living so far beyond my income that we
may almost be said to be living apart. "
••
The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods,
then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit
across the fairway into another woods.
Finally, after banging away several more times,
he proceeded to hit into a sand trap.
All the while, he'd noticed that the club
professional had been watching.
"What club should I use now?" he asked the
pro.
"I don't know," the pro replied.
"What game are you playing?"
••
A girl from Texas and a girl from New York
were seated side by side on an airplane.
The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said:
"So, where y'all from?"
The New York girl said, "From a place where
they know better than to use a preposition at
the end of a sentence."
The girl from Texas sat quietly for a few
moments and then replied:
"So, where y'all from, bitch?"
••
So I asked my pregnant sobbing Girlfriend....
"Did I come at A bad time?"
••
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered
two drinks.
Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases
and started to eat.
The owner became quite concerned and marched
over and told them, "You can't eat your own
sandwiches in here!"
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their
shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
••
I tried sniffing coke once....
but the ice cubes stuck in my nose.
••
A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of
quarters taped inside the crotch of his jeans.
He looks around, then sits next to the most
attractive woman there.
He was very pleased with himself after he noticed
her constantly glancing down at his crotch.
"Hi, there, I'm Jerry," he said, as he went into one
of his well rehearsed routines, "and I help produce
a T.V. quiz show.
Is there any question I can answer for you?"
"As a matter of fact there is," she said as she glanced
down once more toward his embellished jeans.
"Do you have change for a dollar?"
••
If George Washington never told a lie...
how, exactly, did he get elected?
••••
