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I've been trying to turn my wife on for about an hour,
but it just isn't happening.
I'd better go and find a nurse who knows how to
work the life support machine.
♠♠
Bob had just finished his course in journalism and
joined a newspaper agency.
His boss sent him out on field to get some exciting
news.
At one place, he saw a mob gathered in a tight circle.
He learnt that there was a fatal accident.
Bob tried to get inside the circle but could not.
He had a bright idea and shouted: “Move over,
move over, I am related to the victim.”
Immediately, the crowd made space for him.
Pleased with his own quick wit, Bob proceeded and
reached the spot and guess what?
He saw a donkey lying dead.
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My cat has a new trick!
He swallows two pieces of string and an hour later
they come out of his ass TIED together!
I Shit You Knot!
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A recent joint study conducted by the Department
of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles
indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol
related.
This means that the remaining 77% are caused by
drivers who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks,
juices, yogurts, and shit like that.
Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol.
They cause three times as many accidents.
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Whatever you do in life always give 100%.
Unless you're donating blood...
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We had a power outage at our home last night.
So, instead of a night of TV, the wife and I spent the
time chatting.
It was a real eye opener -
I'm off to buy a back-up generator today.
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And now advice from your Doctor....
A colon cancer screening method that analyzes
DNA from stool samples won the backing of a
U.S. advisory panel on Thursday.
Said one doctor, “Well you don’t have colon cancer,
but you may want to consider cutting back on your
corn intake.”
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I am not a vegetarian because I love animals;
I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
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When we were looking to buy property..
I had this over zealous Realtor show us what can
only be described as a totally worn-out old farm.
I mean the land had just been worked to death.
The weeds were hardly even growing.
The smiling super salesman said, "Now really, all
this land needs is a little water, a nice cool breeze
and some good people."
I replied, "Yeah, I agree, but couldn't the same be
said of Hell?"
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I received a bill that said "final notice".
Well that's a relief.
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