••
♥
I almost forgot to update my status....
I'd been to the gym.
What a waste of a workout that would have been!
••
I saw in the paper the other day that there's a
serious shortage of men in Washington DC.
I commented on this fact to my wife and told her
I might just go there.
I added that the article said that men could earn
$50 a nite easily as a gigolo.
She smiled and said, "And exactly how do you
intend to live on $200 a month ?"
••
For Dear Abby...
She quit speaking to me when I wouldn't open
the car door for her.
It's not my fault.
I just panicked & swam to the surface.
••
What do cannibals call athletes?
Fast food!
••
Ole and Lena had married under none too
happy circumstances, and their married life had
not been anything to brag about either.
But when, after they had been lived together for
thirty five years, Ole went to the local judge to
ask for an annulment, the whole of R-Ville
gasped with amazement.
A date for the hearing was set, however, and
when the time came the judge demanded to
know the grounds on which Ole based his
demand for an annulment.
"It's like this, your Honor," answered Ole,
"I've just learned that Lena's father never had
a license to carry a gun."
••
I should’ve known it wasn’t going to work out
between my ex-gf and me.
After all, I’m a Pisces and she’s a bitch.
••
Jane said;
When my husband and I were living in Memphis
we ordered Duck Breast from the local 5 star
restaurant.
I like my duck cooked rare, so I inquired, 'would
that be rare duck?'
The waiter replied, 'No, it's just a regular old duck...
local, I think.
••
'Assassins are impressive.
Its not the killing part that impresses me; its that
they figured out a way to fit "ass" into the same
word twice.
••
I lost a dear friend last week....
He got his finger stuck in a wedding ring...
••
An elderly lady came to see a young male doctor
with her husband.
After the consultation was finished, the elderly
man suddenly asked the doctor for a piece of
paper and a pen.
Although a strange request, he complied, and
the man quickly wrote something, then handed
the folded piece of paper to the doctor.
He told him to read it as soon as they had left.
The doctor thought that the man perhaps had
an embarrassing medical complaint he didn't
want to talk about in front of his wife, so the
doctor didn't hesitate in obeying the request.
Once the couple had left the room, the doctor
sat down and read the piece of paper.
It's contents were thus:
"Doctor, your fly is undone!"
••
Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma...
••
ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE....
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't
already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be
beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)
••
"It isn't always just how you look.
Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and
I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)
••••
