••
♥
Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore......
••
Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus.
Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely...... Canada
••
The teacher is questioning her new class on
names.
One little boy says "My name is Stumpy,
Teacher."
Teacher tells him she must have his real name,
not his nick name and he repeats "Stumpy."
Teacher is provoked and says, "Very well!
If you insist on not telling me your proper
name, I will be forced to send you to the
principal's office."
Stumpy turns to his little brother and says,
"Come on, Shitty, she ain't going to believe you
neither."
••
On their wedding night the husband was so self
- conscious about the smallness of his penis
that before undressing, he snapped off the light.
Once he was in bed, he unzipped his pants and
handed his member to his bride.
"That's thoughtful, darling," she cooed,
"but we'll need the light if you want to write
thank-you notes ."
••
We had a few hot days last week.
Wife sent me on an errand - when I pulled into
a crowded parking lot I rolled down the car
windows to make sure our "Mutt" had fresh air.
She was stretched out on the back seat, and I
wanted to impress upon her that she must
remain there.
As I left the car, I walked backward, pointing
my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
"Now you stay . . . Do you hear me? Stay! . .
Stay!"
The very young driver in a nearby car, perhaps
noting that I am wee bit, ah, of "age", gave me
a strange look and said,
"Why don't you just put it in park?"
••
I know that God does not drink alcohol.
Just just the other day he ordered a
Shirley Temple.
••
ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends
and is now growing in the middle.
••
A trucker was explaining to the cops why
he ran off the road and crashed.
His turn signal got stuck....
••
When the last scene of Titanic faded to black
and people began rushing for the exits, one
patron shouted: "Quick! There are only enough
cars in the parking lot for half of us!"
••
A father was approached by his small son,
who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible
means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you
mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father.
"So, son, what does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic
Instructions Before Leaving Earth.'"
••
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys
at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big
enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get
any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
••
A little boy just couldn't learn.
One day his teacher asked him who signed the
Declaration of Independence.
He didn't know.
For almost a week she asked him the same
question every day, but still he couldn't come
up with the right answer.
Finally, in desperation, she called the boy's
father to her office.
"Your boy won't tell me who signed the
Declaration of Independence," she complained.
"Come here, son, and sit down," the dad said
to the boy.
"Now if you signed that crazy thing, just admit
it so we can get out of here!"
••
Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked
in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in
Iowa?
A: Prom night.......
••••
