••
♥
I was on a plane recently sitting in the exit row.
Arms and legs out stretched everything was
going to be great.
Right before the gate closed this HUGE guy
came and sat right next to me in the middle
seat.
Apparently he was so big he couldn't get the
seatbelt around him.
One of the flight attendants noticed the
situation yelled to the other flight attendant on
the other end of the plane.
"Get the elephant belt!"
I felt so bad for the guy I gave him my inflight
peanuts.
••
A company takes out a newspaper
advertisement claiming to be able to supply
imported hard core pornographic videos.
As their prices seem reasonable, people place
orders and make payments via check.
After several weeks, the company writes back
explaining that under the present law they are
unable to supply the materials and do not wish
to be prosecuted.
So they return their customers' money in the
form of a company check.
However, due to the name of the company, few
people ever bother to present these to their
banks.
The name of the company,
The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company.'
••
The patient came into the doctor's office,
suffering from amnesia.
The doctor asked, "Have you ever had it before?"
••
Chuck Norris invented the spoon because killing
somebody with a knife is too easy.
••
Two old women were sitting on a bench
waiting for their bus.
The buses were running late, and a lot of time
passed.
Finally, one woman turned to the other and
said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long,
my butt fell asleep!'.
The other woman turned to her and said
"I know! I heard it snoring!"
••
“Always trust a glue salesman.
They tend to stick to their word.”
••
St. Peter halted a man at the entrance to heaven.
“You've told too many lies to be permitted in
here,” he said.
“Have a heart,” replied the man.
“Remember, you were once a fisherman
yourself."
••
The guys at Hooter's Happy Hour asked me
which waitress I would like to be stuck in an
elevator with.
I told them the one who knows how to fix
elevators. (I'm old, tired, and pee a lot!)
••
What do you call an Arab who's just had a piss?
Sheikh Yusself Dry
••
My wife forgot to take the garbage out one
morning so she went running down the road
with a bag of garbage after the garbage men
hollering "am I too late" ?????
The garbage men said "Hell no................
jump on in".
••
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and
smoking, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really.
It will just seem longer.
••
A drunk walks out of a bar and throws up on a
rat, he looks down and says, "wow! I don't
remember eating that!!"
••••
