••
♥
It is said that P. T. Barnum, the famed circus
magnate, hung a large sign over one of the exits
of his museum which read, "This way to the
egress."
Many people in the crowds, eager to see what
an egress looked like, passed through the door
and found themselves out on the street.
••
I just gotta wake up faster in the morning, as
well as keep my mind on where I am and what
I'm supposed to be doing.
I was sitting at the kitchen table the other
morning, having my first cup of coffee, mulling
over my upcoming tasks at work for the day.
The wife came downstairs and I kissed her
casually, saying "Good Morning."
Then, I said, "Take a letter, please babe."
••
Chuck Norris can win tic-tac-toe in one move.
••
A man answers the phone and has the following conversation:
"Yes, mother, I've had a hard day.
Gladys has been most difficult - I know I ought
to be more firm, but it is hard.
Well, you know how she is.
"Yes, I remember you warned me.
I remember you told me that she was a vile
creature who would make my life miserable
and you begged me not to marry her.
"You were perfectly right.
"You want to speak with her? All right."
He looks up from the telephone and calls to his
wife in the next room:
"Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!"
••
Q: What's the difference between snowmen
and snowwomen?
A: Snowballs.
••
Benefits of having Alzheimer's:
You can wrap your own presents.
You are always meeting new friends.
••
Joseph Schwartz, a career criminal, was wanted
for looting in Israel's port city, Haifa.
On the A.P.B. Wanted poster, he was described
as the son of an ex-nun from Spain and a
German father.
It went on to include the facts that he was a
musician adept at the piccolo and often worked
as a farmhand.
In other words... he was a Haifa lootin', flutin'
Teuton, son of a nun from Barcelona, part-time
plowboy Joe...
You get into a lot of fights growing up with a
lazy eye, cause no matter how I look at you it's
the wrong way.
••
Poise
The ability to continue speaking fluently while
the other fellow is picking up the cheque.
Sign in a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing
floor.
If the cabin should enter more persons, each
one should press a number of wishing floor.
Driving is then going alphabetically by national
order.
••
5 TRUTHS OF LIFE:
Truth no 1 : nobody is real in this
world except Mother..
Truth no. 2 : a poor person has no
friends..
Truth no. 3 : people do not like
good thoughts they like good
looks..
Truth no 4 : people respect the
money not the person..
Truth no 5 : the person you love
the most, will hurt you the most !!!
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