••
♥
A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident,
in which a car smashed into a tree.
The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the
driver, "Are you seriously hurt?"
"How do I know?" the driver responds.
"I'm not a lawyer!"
••
What's the difference between Iron Man and
iron woman?
Iron Man is a superhero, iron woman is a
command.
••
A man walks into a Chinese restaurant
to find at least a 20 minute wait.
“Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?”
asked the maitre’d.
He goes into the bar and the bartender says,
“What’ll it be?”
The man replies, “Give me a Stoli with a twist.”
The bartender stares at him for a few seconds,
then smiles and says, “Once upon time,
dare were four rittow peegs…”
••
A woman was reporting her car as stolen,
and mentioned that there was a car phone in it.
The policeman taking the report called the
phone, and told the guy that answered that he
had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted
to buy the car.
They arranged to meet, and the thief was
arrested.
••
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't
paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are
4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO
and the Cartoon Network!"
••
Three nuns were waiting for a bus to go
downtown when a "flasher" approached them.
He flung open his coat and the first nun had a
stroke and fainted dead away, the second nun
also had a stroke and she also fainted dead
away, but the third nun refused to touch that
damn thing.
••
"Get whatever you want, it's all on me tonight."
It really ruins the date when you let her know
at the end of the night that it was only a joke.
••
Before boarding a bus, a man asked the driver,
"What is the fare to the train station?"
"Sixty cents," said the driver.
The man raced alongside the bus until the next
stop and then gasped, "What is the fare now?"
"Ninety cents," said the driver.
"You're running the wrong way."
••
Happy Presidents Day.
There's a Presidents Day sale here where you
get 50 percent off any mattress if you can prove
you're a former president.
••
Buffet
A French word which means "Get up and get it
yourself."
••
Jack and Jill were riding a tandem up the Alp
de Huez, the steepest climb in the famous Tour
de France.
When they reached the top, Jill staggers off the
back of the bike huffing and puffing.
Gasping for air she says to Jack, "oh wow!
That hill was so steep!
I'm surprised we even made it to the top!"
Jack turns around from the front seat of the
bike and says, "yeah! I thought that if I let go
of the brakes we were just gonna roll back down!"
••
Whats black, white, round, and cries?
A pregnant nun.
••••
