••
♥
The phrase "dead ringer" refers to someone
who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater
and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
••
Gus: My wife suggested that I take up a new
sport this summer.
Harry: Well, that's nice.
It shows that she has your interests at heart.
Did she make any suggestions?
Gus: As a matter of fact, she did.
By the way, how do you play this Russian
Roulette?
sport this summer.
Harry: Well, that's nice.
It shows that she has your interests at heart.
Did she make any suggestions?
Gus: As a matter of fact, she did.
By the way, how do you play this Russian
Roulette?
••
The Pakistani Major had grown increasingly
anxious over rumors of an impending air strike
from India.
"Khan," he ordered his aide-de-camp,
"I want you to climb that mountain and report
any signs of Indian military activity."
"Ok, Major," replied Khan.
He trudged up the mountain, and as soon as
he crossed the ridge he saw a squadron of
planes heading their way.
"There are many planes coming, Major,"
he promptly radioed back.
"Friends or enemies?" the Major demanded
urgently.
Khan again lifted his binoculars to the sky.
"They're flying very closely together, Major,"
he replied.
"I think they must be friends."
anxious over rumors of an impending air strike
from India.
"Khan," he ordered his aide-de-camp,
"I want you to climb that mountain and report
any signs of Indian military activity."
"Ok, Major," replied Khan.
He trudged up the mountain, and as soon as
he crossed the ridge he saw a squadron of
planes heading their way.
"There are many planes coming, Major,"
he promptly radioed back.
"Friends or enemies?" the Major demanded
urgently.
Khan again lifted his binoculars to the sky.
"They're flying very closely together, Major,"
he replied.
"I think they must be friends."
••
The Stanford Law Review runs the following
quote on their masthead:
"For every thousand people hacking at the
leaves of evil there is one chopping at the roots."
-H.D. Thoreau
On their April Fools issue they ran the following
"For every person hacking at the leaves of evil
there are a thousand smoking the stuff.
quote on their masthead:
"For every thousand people hacking at the
leaves of evil there is one chopping at the roots."
-H.D. Thoreau
On their April Fools issue they ran the following
"For every person hacking at the leaves of evil
there are a thousand smoking the stuff.
••
This is pretty close to an actual sales call I
received.
The sales person's name has been changed.
The company name has not.
I think we'll stick with our current provider.
Bob: Hello, I'm Bob ______ from AT&T, and
I'm calling to let you know about the Internet
services we offer.
Do you have a minute to...
Me: I'm kind of busy right now, but if you
could just email me the information I'll call
you back if I'm interested.
My address is...
Bob: Could I have your fax number?
We're behind a firewall, so our email doesn't
always get through.
received.
The sales person's name has been changed.
The company name has not.
I think we'll stick with our current provider.
Bob: Hello, I'm Bob ______ from AT&T, and
I'm calling to let you know about the Internet
services we offer.
Do you have a minute to...
Me: I'm kind of busy right now, but if you
could just email me the information I'll call
you back if I'm interested.
My address is...
Bob: Could I have your fax number?
We're behind a firewall, so our email doesn't
always get through.
••
Have you ever wondered why you wonder why?
I used to wonder why, but now I don't wonder
why I wonder why.
I wonder why I don't wonder why anymore?
I used to wonder why, but now I don't wonder
why I wonder why.
I wonder why I don't wonder why anymore?
••
Last spring I walked out the door into my yard
and heard this strange buzzing that sounded
like, "we rove you hai, hai.
We rove you hai hai".
Sure enough, I checked my fruit trees and
found them covered with Japanese Beatles.
and heard this strange buzzing that sounded
like, "we rove you hai, hai.
We rove you hai hai".
Sure enough, I checked my fruit trees and
found them covered with Japanese Beatles.
••
Q: Mom! Can I lick the bowl? Please!
A: Shut up and flush!
A: Shut up and flush!
••
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and
song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really.
It will just seem longer.
song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really.
It will just seem longer.
••
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck
Norris.
Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear
proceeded to eat himself, because it would be
the less painful way to die.
Norris.
Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear
proceeded to eat himself, because it would be
the less painful way to die.
••••
