••
♥
Chuck Norris doesn't brush his teeth, he scares
the plaque off each morning by snarling in the
mirror.
••
My wife woke me out of a deep sleep last night,
she looked flustered.
"I just had the worst nightmare!" She told me.
"I'm so sorry" I said and put my arm around
here to help clam her down..
"I just had a very pleasant dream, I wish you
could have at that instead.
What was your dream about?"
"I drempt that my mother was being ripped
apart by a pack of wolves.
What was your dream about?"
"What an amazing coincidence"
she looked flustered.
"I just had the worst nightmare!" She told me.
"I'm so sorry" I said and put my arm around
here to help clam her down..
"I just had a very pleasant dream, I wish you
could have at that instead.
What was your dream about?"
"I drempt that my mother was being ripped
apart by a pack of wolves.
What was your dream about?"
"What an amazing coincidence"
••
Zombies need to eat brains.
What do they eat, then, in Washington DC?
Wouldn't they starve?
What do they eat, then, in Washington DC?
Wouldn't they starve?
••
At a recent software engineering management
course in the US, the participants were given an
awkward question to answer.
"If you had just boarded an airliner and
discovered that your team of programmers had
been responsible for the flight control software
how many of you would disembark immediately?"
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only
one man sat motionless.
When asked what he would do, he replied that
he would be quite content to stay onboard.
With his team's software, he said, the plane
was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway,
let alone take off.
At a recent software engineering management
course in the US, the participants were given an
awkward question to answer.
"If you had just boarded an airliner and
discovered that your team of programmers had
been responsible for the flight control software
how many of you would disembark immediately?"
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only
one man sat motionless.
When asked what he would do, he replied that
he would be quite content to stay onboard.
With his team's software, he said, the plane
was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway,
let alone take off.
••
State Trooper on the NYS Thruway (I90) gave
me a ticket the other day. Speeding?
No....I was driving in the Granny lane (slow)
and the Trooper pulled up beside me.
I hit a pheasent that stepped into the road from
the shoulder.
Flew across the lane, hit the Trooper's
windshield and broke it.
The Trooper gave me the ticket for flipping
him the bird.
me a ticket the other day. Speeding?
No....I was driving in the Granny lane (slow)
and the Trooper pulled up beside me.
I hit a pheasent that stepped into the road from
the shoulder.
Flew across the lane, hit the Trooper's
windshield and broke it.
The Trooper gave me the ticket for flipping
him the bird.
••
My friend from Estonia.....
was telling me how great it was in his small
Baltic nation....
"We have all the Western cultural icons...
even McDonalds...
In fact -- we have a special collective farm that
supplies our McDonald's franchises with all
meat, grain and vegetables that are required".
"That's great, I replied"
"How did you manage that"??
"We were sponsored by the European
Investment Economic Incentive Organization"
he replied proudly.
"Oh I see" I said...
"Your McDonald's has a farm E. I. E. I. O."
was telling me how great it was in his small
Baltic nation....
"We have all the Western cultural icons...
even McDonalds...
In fact -- we have a special collective farm that
supplies our McDonald's franchises with all
meat, grain and vegetables that are required".
"That's great, I replied"
"How did you manage that"??
"We were sponsored by the European
Investment Economic Incentive Organization"
he replied proudly.
"Oh I see" I said...
"Your McDonald's has a farm E. I. E. I. O."
••
Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned
to an attendant standing nearby.
"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those
hideous representations you call modern art?"
"No, Madam," replied the attendant.
"That one's called a mirror."
to an attendant standing nearby.
"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those
hideous representations you call modern art?"
"No, Madam," replied the attendant.
"That one's called a mirror."
••
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares
his grass to grow.
his grass to grow.
••
Global Facts About Sex...
At any given moment:
FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex -
right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 lonely person is reading this post.
You hang in there, sunshine!
At any given moment:
FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex -
right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 lonely person is reading this post.
You hang in there, sunshine!
••
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage.
He didn't have to hear about all the men she
could have married, and she didn't have to hear
about the way his mother cooked.
He didn't have to hear about all the men she
could have married, and she didn't have to hear
about the way his mother cooked.
••
I had some surgery on my shoulder about 5 or
6 years ago, and then underwent several weeks
of physical therapy.
On my final visit, the therapist gave me some
exercises to do at home, informing me I'd need
a partner to help me with them.
That night my husband and I celebrated my
recovery with an especially boisterous romp in
the boudoir.
The next morning I told him I had some
exercises for my shoulder that I needed his
help with.
With a sly grin he asked, "Did we do any of
them last night?"
6 years ago, and then underwent several weeks
of physical therapy.
On my final visit, the therapist gave me some
exercises to do at home, informing me I'd need
a partner to help me with them.
That night my husband and I celebrated my
recovery with an especially boisterous romp in
the boudoir.
The next morning I told him I had some
exercises for my shoulder that I needed his
help with.
With a sly grin he asked, "Did we do any of
them last night?"
••••
