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A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up
and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she
can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of
tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of
cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were
looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, “You see, it’s like this.
Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me
a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with
a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers;
’cause it’s sooooooooooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own . . .
so does she ”
••
While he was at the game,
Governor Chris Christie was up to his old tricks.It turns out he blocked three lines at the
concession stand.
••
Finding one of her students making faces at
others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly,
she said "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told
if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I
would stay like that."
Bobby looked up and replied, "Well,
Mrs. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
••
What are the three words you don't want to
hear while making love?"Honey, I'm home!"
••
The internet is an amazing thing, One minute
I'm at work looking up random pages passing the time.
The next minute I'm at home looking for a new
job.
••
Q: Why did Mike Tyson learn to bite ears?
A: How else do you tell a 275 pound inmate that "no means no"?
••
What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
"I have read and agree to the Terms of Service"
••
Slovenia's state-run news agency reported on
the death of 'passionate' fisherman Franc Filipic, 47, who drowned after hooking a huge
lake sheatfish (like a catfish) and refusing to let
go as he waded in and was pulled under.
Friends reported his last words were 'NOW
I've got him!'
Divers found his body after a two-day search.
••
When just about everyone had boarded the
plane, the flight attendant made a brief announcement.
She said" to the gentleman in seat 18F, don't
worry about your bag, you will get it back just
as soon as we are done going through it."
••
We were so poor my mother gave us hot baked
potatoes to keep our hands warm as we walked to school and we ate them for lunch.
My friend said " You had potatoes?"
••••
